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by autumnOTH
Summary: JLs fic: She had left him, just like Haley did. Like her, now she came back into his life. And like Nathan, he couldn't possibly forgive her that easily. Or could he?
1. Sometimes They Come Back

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Pt. 1 – Sometimes They Come Back

He sat down, taking a few sips of his drink. What it tasted like, he really had not much of a clue. Day after day, events, red carpet moments, parties, they slowly sapped the person out of him. Flashbulbs in his face, screaming young girls, invaded privacy, somehow, somewhere, all the glamour had been taken away. It was different for him, in ways more than one. He didn't need the extra fame, he didn't need to be recognized on the streets or have his name and face appear in gossip magazines or tabloids. What he wanted was simple, really.

In a way, he was very much like Nathan. All he needed was the ball in his hand. To run up the court, hear the sound of his shoes clenching against the ground, the ball dribbling safely between his own hands, and the swish of the net when the ball falls through the hoop. To feel no inhibitions. That, and…

He raised his head to take another swig at his drink, when suddenly, his eye caught another person's. And with that, his thoughts stopped straight in their tracks. He hadn't seen her in ages. Not since she left the show. She looked straight back at him, and smiled. He watched as the corners of her mouth turned upwards. After so long, it was a wonder how the simple familiarity of that gesture took his breath away. He smiled tightly back, nodding as if to acknowledge her greeting. And as though on cue, he felt his palms sweating.

"Beautiful, isn't she?" Hilarie stood next to him. "I've missed her tons."

He shrugged, trying to be indifferent. "Well, we always said she was too good for the show. She was destined for more." But again, in his mind, the words rang again, _was she too good for me?_

"She was. We all saw it."

He stood there with Hilarie, watching her move effortlessly across the room from fan to fan who wanted a piece of her, her autograph, a photo, a smile from her. Anything. He saw them clamour for her attention, and wondered if she had let this all get to her head as he once had. Probably not. It wasn't like her to.

"I don't think she's changed one bit," Hilarie said softly as though reading his thoughts. "She's still going to be who she is."

Again, he shrugged. "I don't know, Hil, some people change."

"Well, she's just not 'some people', is she? Because she's special, and I know it." Hilarie lay a gentle hand on his shoulder, squeezing it lightly. "And I know you know it too."

Hilarie walked away, going to get another drink, but he knew she was deliberately leaving me alone for me to gather my thoughts. 'She was another one in a million, our Hilarie', he thought to himself. He couldn't have done without her in the past year, she was his pal when he needed her to be, and his listening ear when he needed to vent. It had been some tough times, but she always told him to keep on believing. To have faith. Hil had always believed deep inside of her that that special person for him would come back; she just couldn't make him believe it as well. But now, she really had come back.

He had dealt with her absence for as long as twelve months, and counting. 'Why did she have to waltz back into my life right now, just when I was about to leave it all behind me? And why,' he took a long breath as he tried to get his own thoughts straight, 'did she have to look so damn good while doing it?'

She looked beautiful as usual. Under the flashing bulbs of the cameras of the fans and the press, her eyes shone as she smiled. Like stars. He remembered the day she had broke the news to them. It had been a bright sunny day in Wilmington and they had just finished shooting the season finale to the fourth season. Another season, and another turbulent year for his character. He had to admit, he had been a little confused when he read the script for the finale. Something was missing; it was like they were trying to write a character off, and he didn't like that. He remembered it as clear as yesterday.

Flashback

She had went to the basketball court when he hung out in between takes, and called the three of them who were playing. Himself, Lee and Bryan, who had finally become a series regular in season four. He had been confused as they walked back to set, she had been so quiet, so unlike herself. Bryan had tried to lighten up the mood, tried to crack a few jokes but something just wasn't right. They had walked back on set, where they found the whole crew and cast waiting for them. Mark was there, with Hilarie, Chad and the rest.

"What's going on?" I finally managed to ask.

She turned around, cleared her throat. "Erm, well I'd actually spoken to Mark and Joe about this two or three months ago, and…" she swallowed hard. "It's become official. I've decided to leave the show."

"What?" Hilarie exclaimed as she exchanged glances with Bryan. "Why?"

"Well, it just seemed like the right thing to move on to. I've gotten an opportunity to sign a three-album deal and I really want to tour, and it wouldn't be fair to the show and the producers to write my character off again, because it's going to take so much time for me to do this…this thing, and…" she paused in mid-babble, near tears. "I hope you guys understand, and I love you all. Thank you for the best years of my life."

Chad finally took the lead, and stood up, breaking the silence. He walked over to envelope her in a tight bear hug, but what he had said, I couldn't hear and couldn't care. Nothing mattered. Not anymore. I had turned my back, and walked out, the door slamming behind me.

He shook his head. All along their storyline had been too real, too close for comfort. He had been a little like Nathan in many ways. He had dated the wrong people, seeked for what he thought had been love in wrong places. And she, she had brought him back to reality many times, and showed him things when it really mattered. And then, she had left him, just as she had fictionally. Leaving him for music.

Now, as he looked at her, she looked like such a professional. She handled the people around her with ease, and putting them at ease as well. She loved and made them feel loved. He could never be as patient as her as she was with the fans. Finally, she reached the end of the red carpet, nearing the entrance to the VIP room where he stood. It was any moment now. He had to face her.

He looked around again. A celebration of their fifth year as a cast, as a show, as a production. Celebration of their good ratings and of them being picked up for another season. Out of the corner of his eye, he could see Hilarie leaning into Bryan's arms while Sophia walked around with Moira, recording the fans on her video recorder. Everyone was happy. Not him. He turned around to fill up his empty cup again, looking up at the life-sized portrait of himself on the poster that commemorated their season. That season he had stood alone in the photo shoot. That had been the first time he had done a promotional photo shoot without her. The producers were still casting him a suitable love interest, but none of them could hold up to the chemistry that he had once shared with her on-screen. Or off-screen.

He stiffened up as he heard someone clear her throat behind him. Slowly, he turned around, his heart pounding. It was her. Slowly, he brought his gaze down to look at her.

"James," she said softly, smiling up at him. Her eyes were unsure, but damn, those eyes got to him every single time.

He nodded back at her. "Joie."


	2. And Sometimes They Stay

Hey all, I'd just like to thank all you guys for giving such great reviews and feedback, you guys make a writer's job so much easier :) It's my first time writing a fic related to OTH (and I just had to write about the JLs, will try a Naley one soon), and wasn't sure what response I'd be getting, so it was awesome.. Hope you guys like this one!

Pt. 2 – And Sometimes They Stay

All time seemed to have stopped. He mentally kicked himself, but nothing came out from his mouth. His tongue was stuck to the roof of this mouth, and he hated that she could still do this to him. After she had left, like that. He had waited long enough for this moment, perhaps to the point where it had been long enough that he had left it behind him. But as he looked back down at her, into those deep eyes that had allowed him in every single time, he knew forever wouldn't be quite long enough.

He studied her closely, watching as she flinched imperceptibly under his intense gaze. She looked a little older, a little more tired. But everything else was as he had remembered it. Those eyes, the fullness of her lips, the bridge of her nose. He could almost feel the softness of her cheeks under his palm.

She fidgeted a little. "James," she repeated herself. "So, how've you been?"

"Good," he lied.

She smiled, her expression still unsure. "That's great. I'm happy for you."

He shrugged. "Yeah?" he asked coldly. Just one word, but it was edged with animosity.

"Yeah," she answered him softly. "James, of course. I… I really want you to be happy."

He swallowed hard. "Could have fooled me."

She turned around, watching him walk away and stood there for awhile, looking at his retreating back. Her stomach twisted as his words got to her. He still managed to take her breath away, every single time. She felt so small next to him, so helpless. She had come back, hoping that he would understand, but he hadn't, and she couldn't blame him for that. She had left, not him. But she was ready to make things up to him. The time she had spent away had changed her, she understood things now. Now, all she had to do, was to make him understand as well.

"Hey there, stranger. I lost my phone number. Can I have yours instead?"

The sound of the deep voice finally jolted her out of her turbulent thoughts and back to reality. Joie smiled at the familiar voice from behind her and turned around. "Paul!" she exclaimed, hugging him.

Paul laughed and hugged her back, lifting her off the ground. "Back to join us now, rock star?"

She mock-glared at him. "Recycling pick up lines now, are we?" she shot back at him, grinning.

"That hurt, darlin'. My old heart can't take it anymore," he pressed a hand to his heart, feigning pain.

"A low blow for another low blow," she retorted. "You doing okay?"

"Yeah, pretty much. Six seasons. Surreal, isn't it? Betcha wish you'd never left us," he grinned.

She smiled back up at him, and her tone changed. "Yeah, actually I wish I never did. Things would be different now."

'You'll be all right," he replied, slowly but surely. "Come on now."

Joie let herself be led away by Paul to where Hilarie and Bryan where standing. Bryan saw the both of them coming and exchanged glances with the older man. "I'm going to go get us more drinks. Welcome back, Joie," he said, giving her a quick peck on the cheek. "We've all missed you," he said in that slow drawl of his, smiling at her.

Hilarie watched as the two men walked away. "You'd think for two actors, they would be a little more subtle than that," she joked dryly.

"They were always a little slower than the rest of us."

Hilarie cracked up. "I've missed you, girl."

"Me too," Joie said sincerely, drawing her into a hug. "So, things look good for you. Are you

finally cracking under Bryan's charm?"

Hilarie paused dramatically, pursing her lips together. "Peyton Sawyer doesn't crack and neither do I."

Joie laughed at the reference. "What's been going on in the world of Tree Hill?"

"The usual. Dan's still an ass."

"Some things just don't change, do they, Hil?"

"Some people don't either," Hilarie said, while shaking her head. "I know you haven't."

"Thanks for the vote of confidence."

Hilarie shrugged. "Something tells me that it's not my vote that you need."

"Something also tells me that I'll have to campaign like crazy to get that vote I need," Joie said as she gazed at James from across the room.

"Look," she said softly as her expression softened. "I know. Déjà vu and all that. I'm not going to go Peyton-Crazy-Bitch on you like how she did when Haley came back. But you have to understand, it's not going to be easy. I'm not talking about me, but I'm talking about James. You can't leave and walk back in here as you wish. He's been hurting this year, Joie."

She looked at him again, as he walked out of the room, probably to get a fresh breath of air. She knew she'd hurt him. Badly. There was just no two ways about it. She realized that she hadn't seen him smile since she'd entered the room. His face was etched with discontent, a lack of passion. He had always been the strong, silent type, but there had been no mistaking the passion she had always saw in his eyes.

Hilarie continued. "You confuse him. Because you're unlike any other girl he's ever wanted." she said simply. "And he didn't know what he wanted until you left."

She swallowed hard. "I didn't either, Hil, I really didn't." She could her throat getting tight and tears welling up in her eyes. I will not cry, she told herself.

"Well, do you now?"

She bit down on her lower lip. "I'm going to go talk to James." She gave Hilarie another quick hug before she left. "Thank you," she said simply, and she knew it was enough because it was Hilarie. Hilarie just understood her. Always.

Bryan made his way back to Hilarie, and handed her a glass. "Do you think they'll be able to work it out?"

She just simply smiled. "I know Joie. And I know James. She's back to stay, I'm sure of it."

He knew she was there before she even said a word. He didn't know how he did, but he just did. "Beautiful night," he said, his back still to her.

She stopped short in her tracks. "Yeah, it is." She walked around him to face him, lifting her chin up as she did so, as though drawing confidence from it. "James, I'm sorry."

"Don't do this if you don't mean it," he said, his eyes looking at anywhere but back at her. "You always were the best actress among us."

Hurt flashed through her bones as quickly as he had said it. "I deserved that," she said softly to herself, partly to him as well.

He finally forced himself to look back down at her. He had lost count of the number of times he had lost himself in those eyes, those eyes which were now in pain. She looked so vulnerable, so lost, so hurt. There were so many words he had planned to say when he saw her again, so many things he had wanted to tell her. Over and over again, he had rehearsed the cold speech to himself but while he was doing it, he knew deep down inside, he would never say it to her face. He had done it only in an attempt to get himself to forget her. But it didn't work. Nothing did. And now, even when his heart was hurting, he couldn't inflict the same hurt on her. "No, no you don't. I'm sorry." He shook his head. "I just don't want to let you get to me. Not when you're going to leave."

She clasped her hands together nervously, not knowing what to do with them. She wanted more than anything to throw herself into his arms, and touch his face with her hands, but she knew that wouldn't change anything.

"I'm here to stay, James. I'm not going anywhere. Not anymore."


	3. Home Is Where The Heart Is

Pt. 3 – Home Is Where The Heart Is

He shook his head. "You're here to stay?" he murmured incredulously and watched her as she nodded. "Why do this, Joie, why?"

Her brow creased in confusion. "Why not? I wanted to come home."

"Home? Is this home?"

She cringed inwardly at the tinge of bitterness in his voice. "Yeah, yes it is," she whispered, her voice barely heard in the night breeze.

"Then why'd you leave home?" his eyes held hers, his gaze intense. "I want explanations, Joie, not excuses. God knows, I've made up more than plenty of excuses for why you left to tell to myself. To make myself feel better. And somehow, none of it," he swept out his hands, gesturing. "None of it was enough."

"I'm sure it wasn't." She started fiddling with her hands, like how she always did when she was nervous. She looked at him as her gaze travelled downwards and settled on his wrist. "You're still wearing the watch I gave you," she smiled.

He glanced down at it and shoved his hand into his pockets, hiding it from. "Yeah well, I needed something to tell time," he said, his voice laced with a little sarcasm as he looked away.

Joie sighed. "You know how we'd always use to hang out?" Without waiting for an answer, she went on. "We started out such good friends. You'd poke fun at me, and we'd joke around. I taught you to play guitar, and you introduced me to different types of music."

One corner of his mouth lifted slightly as he thought back to those times. "And then you'd called me Baby James."

She smiled wanly. "Yeah, that too."

"And I really hated it, because I didn't want to be just that for you. Hil and Soph, they could call me that all they wanted, but not you." The wind blew a strand of Joie's hair out from behind her ear, and he fought the urge to reach out and tuck that strand back into place. "So I'd call you Bethy in return because I knew you hated it too."

She swallowed, trying hard to get rid of the growing lump of emotion in her throat. "I was afraid, James."

"Of what? Me?" His forehead crinkled.

"In a way, yeah. You- you just intimidate me, James," she started fiddling with her fingers again. "You made me feel a lot of things all at once."

He blinked once, twice. And when his eyes reopened, she could see that they had glazed over with confusion. "So, you ran away?"

"I needed time to myself. To understand things. To work out my feelings. To see if I had fallen for you."

"And hell, like you couldn't do all those things in Wilmington? You could have told me! I could have given you some time!" The confusion turned to rage; he could feel one year's worth of pented-up fury surfacing. "You didn't need to pack your bags and leave, god dammit!"

"James, I- "

"What? You couldn't trust me enough to tell me all that? You think I couldn't have handled the fact that you weren't ready for a relationship with me yet? Or what Joie? Did you still think I couldn't have seen things your way? I wasn't mature enough? I was still a baby?" His eyes blazed with anger as he practically spat the last word out angrily. "You were there with me, you smiled at me, and then the next day you left without a word? That's pathetic, Joie. You ran. You ran away! What do you want me to say to that!"

Flashback

He just watched her play for a little while. It made him feel peaceful, like he was at ease, in sync with the world for just those few minutes. Her voice soothed him, it ran over him like soft silk. He had fallen in love with her ages ago, although it had only taken him until recently to realize that he had. And tonight, he was reminded once again why he had. Things were so simple when he was only around her. She made him feel things that no one else had ever made him feel. How could that be? She had a boyfriend, and he was currently seeing someone as well. How could something that was supposed to be wrong, feel right?

Suddenly she looked up, and spoke. "James," she said, nearly making him jump out of his skin.

He smiled, and walked back into his house, basketball under his right arm. "You looked so good here in my house, on my couch, playing my guitar," he said easily as he sat down next to her.

She flinched. "I came by to give you something."

He took the wrapped parcel and stared back at her quizzically. "It's not my birthday."

"Yeah, but I saw it and thought you'd needed it. Since you always ask me for the time. It's gotten a little irritating," she laughed.

He laughed with her and unwrapped the present. "Damn, and there goes my chance to talk to you everyday." Putting the watch on, he reached his other arm around her shoulder. "Thank you."

She playfully batted at him before she settled comfortably in his arms, just like she usually did. "Ass."

He glanced back at her. Something was amiss, she didn't look like how she usually did. Something just wasn't right, like she wasn't happy. "You okay, Joie?"

"Not really." She stared back up at him, her glassy blue eyes drilling deep into his soul.

His protective instinct kicked into gear and unknowingly, his fists clenched. "Is it Michael? Did he hurt you?" _If that scumbag ever so much as laid a violent hand on you_, he thought, _I'll give him a taste of his own medicine._

"No, no." She shook her head. "It's nothing like that, really. It's just that recently, I don't feel as close to him as I used to. It's not there anymore. And I've tried really, to get that feeling back again. And I feel horrible sitting next to him, pretending that I'm the same person that he fell in love with, because I can't, and because I am not that same person-"

"Hey, slow down," he squeezed her shoulder. "It's okay."

"No!" her voice came out a few pitches higher than normal. "It's not okay."

"Shhhh," he whispered into her ear, calming her down. "Let me make it okay," he said as he slowly rubbed her back in circles. She fit so perfectly into his arms, that it seemed like a match made in heaven from the very beginning.

For a long while, neither of them spoke. They just sat there, the both of them.

Finally, James broke the silence. "Can I tell you something?"

She moved around to face him. "Anything."

"Joie, I- " he paused shortly, nerves getting the better of him. "I think I've fallen in love with you."

She stared back at him, letting his eyes bore straight into her, straight to the middle of her soul. It sent shivers down her spine. He could always read her, especially when it mattered the most. And there were no words that she could possibly have said back to him in that moment. Instead, she just smiled up at him, and laid her head back on his chest.

And they stayed that way for a few hours, him cradling her in his arms, and her listening to the beating of his heart.

She bit down on her quivering lower lip, feeling tears well up in her eyes. This had been going on for too long. She just needed to get things off her chest.

"You don't have a word to say to that, don't you? I knew it. I just knew it," he threw up his hands in exasperation, turning around to walk away. "I don't know why I'm bothering."

"That night when you told me how you felt," she said quietly, her voice carrying just the very slightest tremor. "After I'd gone home," she paused, shuddering a little in the cold. "Michael proposed to me too."

James stopped short in his tracks and felt his heart skip a beat. Without turning around, he opened his mouth, but he couldn't muster the words out. Finally he managed to croak, "You ran away with Michael?"

"I left with him, yes."

James felt his heart crumple. His body felt hollow and suddenly, he had lost all feeling in his bones. "So why are you back here? To invite me to your wedding? Way to push the dagger deeper, Joie. I would never have known that you had this sadistic nature."

"I left with him, James, but not before I refused his proposal."

He turned around slowly to face her, shoving his hands into his pockets. "You refused it," he said softly under his breath, but somehow it came out more of a statement to himself rather than a question to her. A statement to reassure himself.

She folded her arms around herself; suddenly she felt colder than ever. "I turned him down. That night after what you told me, I was confused. I didn't know what I wanted. But I knew that I didn't want to be with him."

He stared at her, not knowing what to say, what to do, or even what to feel. Instead he let her carry on.

"You know, more than anyone else in the world that I love music, don't you?" When he nodded, she continued on. "I was going to tell you that night that I had gotten an album deal with Epic Records. I was going to tell you, before I told anyone else, because you meant that much to me, James. But then-" her voice cracked and a single, solitary tear starting trickling down her left cheek. "You told me that you had fallen in love with me. More than anything, I had wanted to hear it. And I couldn't bring myself to do it, to tell you that I was leaving."

She rubbed her hands together, trying to warm herself up. "And then, that night, as I was going home from your house, I decided not to leave after all. I decided to stay in Wilmington to work things out with you. But as I neared my house, Michael was waiting there for me on the doorstep. He proposed."

"And you said no."

"I said no," she repeated. "He wasn't right for me. He was my best friend first and foremost, and was never going to be anything more. He took it pretty well, actually. We sat down that night, just the both of us on that doorstep and just talked. We just talked the night through. He told me about how his band had gotten a deal to tour the States and Europe, and we spoke about our dreams since we were little. About how we'd always dream we'd play to sell-out stadiums and crowds that were screaming so loud until you couldn't hear yourself. That light I saw in his eyes when he spoke about music, I once saw that very light in my own eyes when I looked into the mirror." She smiled wistfully, as more tears streamed down her face.

"I saw it too," he said softly, as he looked at her. "It was who you were. And who you are," And as he spoke those words, suddenly, he began to understand a little. Just a little, but it was somehow quite enough.

Joie smiled. "We spoke for ages that night. And as he was about to leave, a car drove by. And in it, was Amy."

He frowned. "I broke up with Amy the very instant she turned up at my place," he said quickly, firmly. "If that was why- "

"No, no it wasn't," she said, cutting him off. "I had no doubt that you would have. I had faith in you," she smiled up at him. "Amy wasn't the point, she never was an issue. But she got me thinking. She was blonde and beautiful and curvaceous and gorgeous. She was the type that you would date, James. Not me."

He started to object, but she held up a hand. "I need to say this James. Just let me." When he nodded, she went on. "It wasn't jealousy, but it was my own inadequacies. I didn't feel good enough for you, or good enough for anyone else, for that matter. I saw that I didn't know enough about myself. I didn't feel confident enough in my own skin. The only time when I had felt confident, was when I had my music with me. And just realizing that, was enough for me."

She took a step closer to him. "I left with Michael, and I became the opening act for his band on their tour. I learnt so much. And I learnt to love myself. Because, James, I realized that I can't love another person unless I learn to love myself first."

He felt tears in his own eyes as he reached down and lifted her chin gently, pushing her to look at him, as he used his other hand to wipe away the tears from her eyes. She looked so torn apart, so sad, that it hurt him inside too. He reached for her, pulling her close to him with one arm as she continued crying. His other hand traced soothing circles on her back just like he had that night, one year ago. Her body shook violently in his arms as she cried on, her tears wetting the front of his shirt. "I don't know why it was so difficult for you to love yourself because it only took me a heartbeat to fall in love with you," he said softly. "And that heartbeat changed all things, because I never fell out of love with you."

She looked up with him, her eyes red while her cheeks glistened with tears. And all he could think was, how beautiful she was. "I'm sorry, James. For everything."

"It's okay," he smiled at her. "It's okay."

"I want to stay, James. Will you forgive me?"

He pulled her back to him again, this time feeling his own tears run down his face. "It will be difficult, but I promise I'll die trying."

But somehow, as he held her in his arms under the moonlight, and as she laid her head on his chest, listening to his heart beat just like that night, he already knew that the answer to that question was yes. It always had been, even before she had asked it. Because he always knew that she'd be home. And now that she was, nothing else mattered.

The End.


End file.
